Writers’ block. What do you do when you have it? Well I’m here to tell you the secrets to successfully getting over any and all moments of writing hesitation or “block.”

You stare at the keyboard or notepad. Suck your teeth. Make a few phone calls and even pay your taxes. You sit back down and take a drink. Take twenty. Now tipsy, bleary and depressed you type a bunch of random crap. Then delete it all.

Stop for a moment. Throw a few things. Curse. Kick a puppy.

Think it over. Plan it out. Sit in front of that blank screen/page. It’s laughing at you. You can actually hear it now.

Cry. Eat. Cut yourself. Anything and everything that will clear your mind.

Mind clear now? Calm now? Ok, get back up face that blankness and reach past it. Swallow all sense of pride and resign yourself to writing badly today. Maybe even tomorrow. Maybe for the rest of your life. Just write something. Even if it’s just your name. Add a verb. Simple sentences combine and grow. Now you’re writing.

Does it suck? Will it all end up on the cutting room floor? Will anyone love it? Live it, breath it in through their eyes and make a reality of it with their fertile souls? Who knows, that’s not the issue here. You’re writing. Without a thought in your head even. Who knows if you keep that blank state up long enough a divine being might whisper something wonderful in your ear.

It might be crap, it could be world changing. It could be an ad for tampons. Whatever. Block past, writing done. Pat yourself on the back and come back tomorrow.

The only way to get over writers block is to write and keep writing. Even directionless uncertain writing is better than no writing at all. Or so I’ve been told. Not like I’m an expert or anything.